You should know off the bat that this sort of thing is not at all uncommon. Young men like your Bob can be sinfully fun little diversions if you treat them as such. Think back to when you were in the 19-21 age range... Remember your male friends? How many of them were looking for the love of their lives? Perhaps there were one or two, but the majority of the 21-year-old-men I knew (and even the ones I DATED) were not really looking for a committment. They were in the middle of embarking on new post-college adventures. Moving to new cities, getting their feet wet in the job market, and meeting new colleagues, friends, and yes -- lovers. Come to think of it, that's pretty much what me and most of my girlfriends were doing, too. And I might add, that many, many (sigh), MANY men have not graduated to much else come age 30, either. And unless this Bob was your first, deep down you know I'm speaking the truth. Consider his flight a gift. Odds are good that a 21-year-old is still heavily into doing and/or trying things you've already grown out of. And do you really want to be the 30-year-old hanging out amid the barely post-teen girlfriends of HIS friends? Not unlike 38-, 47-, and 69-year-old men, 21-year-olds want to get laid. And when they come across attractive, intelligent women who will sleep with them, they tend to take the bait. You say too little about YOUR behavior during the hot-and-heavy two weeks for me to comment on that. A questions you may want to ask yourself is:
Did I come on too strong? Sometimes, when we spend every minute with a new partner, it seems as though you're further along in a relationship than you actually are. After eight nights in a row, you may feel like you know him better than you really do... and when your guard's down, dumb things like, "Hey, want to come to my parents' anniversary barbecue tomorrow? I bet they'd love to meet you." can slip out. That's why it's often better to be a little more conservative with your time -- no matter how bad you want to see him. Think about it: if you're available to see him Friday and Saturday night -- and then spend Sunday on the couch watching movies, it doesn't say a lot about what you had going on before he came on the scene. Now, I'm no statistician, but my educated guess would be that if you're looking for "the one," you're probably more likely to meet him if you stick with the Thirtysomethings and leave the Dawson's Creek set to their own demographic.

dear cheri-

I have a friend that I spend alot of time with. The only complaint I have about our friendship is that whenever she gets drunk she hits on everyguy in a 50 foot radius. It doesn't matter if the guy is with someone or not. Its almost like she creates this fantasy world where every guy must want her. Most of the guys that she does this with are either scuzzy or get uncomfortable with her intentions and complaining to me. Either way I always feel like I'm rescuing her. Any advice? It's becoming a huge cockblock on my lovelife.

Answer:
It's an ugly thing, isn't it? Watching someone you genuinely love sink deeper into the alcohol-fueled depths of low self-esteem is never pretty, especially when it's seeping over from her sad state of affairs and starting to flood your basement make-out room. My first choice, depending on how close a friend she is, is to stage a good old intervention -- with or without other concerned people. Catch her in a sober moment and explain, gently, that her behavior is simply unhealthy, and the reasons why you -- and anyone else whose opinion might matter -- think she may want to change some of the bad patterns. In order to work, this approach requires that you be the bigger person. In other words, hold your tongue about her cock-blocking (from the pickings you describe, she may even be doing you a favor). On the other hand, if she's not on your speed dial (or has already worn out her welcome on it), just make sure you're busy or MIA the next time she calls for plans. Sadly, you may have to kiss your favorite bar goodbye for this to work, but you're her friend -- not her babysitter. We all have to hold someone's head over the toilet once in awhile -- that's what friends are for -- but there are limits to any relationship.

dear cheri-

Recently some friends of mine that I date have asked me to come home with them. Not for milk and cookies either. They want to have a threesome. While I have thought about having one, I'm not attracted to either of them and think it would make our friendship awkward. How do I handle this?

I absolutely abhor the idea of saying this, but there's no better answer: "Just say no." Have you ever slept with someone because you didn't want to hurt their feelings? If you can't bring yourself to say the magic, two-letter word, think about the possible repercussions of any evasive maneuvers. Better to put the whole sordid ball of wax to bed before they ask again. And again. At that point, you may get curt and thereby risk the friendship you didn't want to make awkward in the first place. If these people are really your friends, they wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable. And if, after you politely decline, they still won't lay off, they're not really your friends. If it happens again, be honest. It really is the best policy.